Continued from last week

We have discussed those who attempt to change the other person’s character prior to marriage. Similarly, some foolishly try to change a person’s personality to make it fit what they believe it should be. Similarly again, as with forcing character changes, this never works! On the other hand, others completely ignore flaws, oddities, idiosyncrasies and negative personality traits during the “good times” of dating and courting while thinking in the back of the mind that they will be able to change the person after marriage.

Do not kid yourself by believing you can do the impossible. you cannot! “Leopards” rarely “change their spots” (Jer. 13:23).

Guided by God’s love, you can overcome many obstacles, but major personality differences will not resolve easily! At the same time, however, this does not mean you should give up and walk away just because you encounter slight problems unique to every human being. Marriage involves a great deal of mercy, patience and tolerance with one another. Remember that “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23), and that marriage is a God-plane relationship, meaning you have to conduct yourself as God would if He were married to your spouse—or you.

A final word here about emotions and personality: Never forget that there is a big difference between dating and courting! Dating consists of casual, relaxed friendship and enjoyable good times while getting to know persons of the opposite sex. Courting is more serious—more focused. Marriage is permanent. Remember that at this point, you are still looking at qualities that can be simply left behind by going on to another dating partner. Therefore, look closely when courting. Doing this the day after the wedding is too late.

Throughout the dating and courtship process, continually strive to grow in understanding of each other’s emotional makeup and personality.