What is manipulative behaviour?
Manipulative behaviour is conduct designed to force another person to act in a manner desired by the manipulator. The motive is to gain advantage or satisfaction for the manipulator, often at the expense of the victim. The manipulator may be of any age from a tiny baby onwards, and may not realize the significance of this behaviour.
However, some manipulators are cynically aware of what they are doing, and put a great deal of effort into their scheming.
What manipulative behaviours are there?
* Breath-holding episodes:
This form of infantile manipulation is very common and may cause concern to parents. Such episodes are prompted by anger and frustration on the part of the child, at not being allowed to have its own way. Most parents recognize that breath-holding is a manipulative device, but may still give in to this powerful strategy.
An episode usually starts with loud crying. At the end of a long wail the child simply stops breathing and soon turns blue. breath-holding may continue until consciousness is lost and rarely the child goes rigid with the arms and legs extended and the back arched. At this stage breathing starts naturally again. Recovery is rapid.
* Temper tantrums:
These express the frustration of a toddler who has reached the stage of independent action, but is not allowed to exercise it. Tantrums may be very noisy and embarrassing, as they appear to imply lack of discipline or effectiveness of the parents. The toddler soon learns to exploit this by screaming, rolling head-banging and breath-holding. Such behaviour may sometimes come to dominate a household.
* Adult manipulation:
In a minor way, this is quite common, but it may sometimes become a way of life. It may feature flattery, nagging, moral blackmail, even behaviour close to brain washing. At worst, it involves ruthless, cold maneuvering to gain social or commercial advantage over others.
When should I see the doctor?
Sufferers are more likely to seek advice because they feel isolated and friendless, than for manipulative behaviour as such. If you feel this way, from whatever cause, a sensitive doctor, or a mental healthcare professional may be able to help.
What will the doctor do?
Your doctor will probably explain that persistent manipulative behaviour in an adult is a behavioural disorder and not a mental illness. A referral for an appropriate form of psychotherapy (treatment through discussion with a mental health-care professional) would then normally be offered.
What can I do myself?
Breath-holding episodes simply need resolution on the parents part to watch and wait. No treatment is needed. Even so describe the attacks to your doctor and you next visit to rule out epilepsy or febrile (fever) convulsions.
Occasionally temper tantrums are normal and acceptable, but try to avoid letting a pattern develop. Handle them calmly, firmly and consistently. Use minimal necessary restraint, and never give way to the child’s demands, unless they are reasonable. If necessary remove the child to a safe cot or playpen until the tantrum has passed. Stay out of the child’s sight for a time, but do not go too far away.
Adults may be more difficult to deal with, especially if the manipulator has a stronger character than you or is your senior at work. Make it clear that you are aware of what is going on, but before doing this you must be sure that you have a watertight case and can quote examples of behaviour that an independent person would agree are manipulative in nature.
If all attempts to rectify the situation fail, you may want to consider separating from the colleague or partner involved. It may be difficult to make your case clearly, but it is well worth trying, and learning assertiveness skills may help in this situation. However, remember that there are invariably faults on both sides.
How can I deal with breath-holding?
Doing nothing is a valid option and will not harm the child. However the following immediate action can help to take the anxiety out of the situation and to concentrate on avoidance, without giving in to the child’s demands.
Hooking an index finger over the child’s tongue and pulling it forward before the teeth have been clenched can trigger the reflex to breath in, and so stop an episode.
Similarly, blowing gently into the child’s mouth may release the breathing reflex.
What can I do to avoid manipulative behaviour?
If you suspect that you may indulge in manipulative behaviour, try to remember that this is almost certainly damaging to any relationship, and that you may be earning yourself strong dislike or even hatred. Try to respect other people’s rights to personal freedom.
Is manipulative behaviour dangerous?
The essential harm of manipulative behaviour is the loss of personal freedom suffered by the victim. However, manipulation may also form part of criminal behaviour such as fraud and confidence tricks. In these cases it may lead to a criminal record, and possibly fines or imprisonment.
How is manipulative behaviour diagnosed in adults?
In direct contrast to children, adults usually seek to hide their manipulative behaviour.
To take account of this psychologists have developed a test which involves reading out statements for a client to agree or disagree with. The answers given will show the extent of a manipulative outlook.
To develop the test, quotations were used from the Renaissance Statesman Machiavelli, who saw manipulation as a tool of politics. The test measure is thus known as the Machiavelli scale. Manipulation can be seen everywhere – home, school, workplace even churches.
In conclusion: we are living in a time when Satan is working with all his power to discourage, defeat and destroy as many persons as he could, but especially those who are labouring in God’s service. He is the greatest manipulator and those under his control.
Manipulative behaviour affects the manipulator and individual being manipulated – a trick of the devil. The erroneous path often appears to lie close to the path of truth, and can hardly be differentiated from the path that leads to holiness and heaven but with the Holy Spirit as the mind is enlightened the two will seem miles apart.
Let’s look to our Saviour and Redeemer and repent, and pray for the Holy Spirit to abide in you now and forever more.
Amen
For further information, treatment and training in massage and manipulative therapy, do not hesitate to contact Nevis Holistic Massage Centre, at Farms Estate, Charlestown, Nevis. Tel 469-5464.
