Continued from last week
More About Group Dating
Teenagers today have no idea of the danger of one-on-one dating. But how does this differ from group dating? Is it crucial that one come before the other?
One-on-one dating ultimately leads to marriage. Before this, it usually leads to some level of attachment. While many are not willing to accept this, they are certainly willing to realize that one-on-one dating—in today’s society—almost always leads to some sort of physical, emotional, and sexual relationship.
There was a time, just a few decades ago, when teen marriages abounded. Today, this is less common—people tend to wait longer for marriage. Yet, that does not stop couples from doing the same as couples did during the time when teen marriages were more common—dating one-on-one, which leads them to “going steady” while, at the same time, not yet wanting to be married.
This in turn leads to a wide range of problems. However, there are far fewer temptations in group dating situations.
What then is group dating? It is simply several people of similar age getting together and participating in some sort of activity. It is the perfect opportunity to apply all the principles that we will cover in this chapter.
The world has no comprehension of the numerous benefits of group dating—that this is a way to build both your own personality and those of others around you. During the teen years, young people are not ready to date one-on-one. If they do, they are cheating themselves and others out of the opportunity to grow and become better people. Enjoy these times spent with several others, applying all the principles discussed to develop yourself as fully as you are able.
God’s Way is always the best! His Law is for our benefit. You must come to deeply believe that they work.
Going Steady
Before going further, it is critical to discuss the implications—and dangers—of “going steady,” now more often referred to as “going out.” This trend is accepted as a veritable way of a life by society. Yet, it is wrong and produces much untold misery.
It has been said, “Be careful who you spend too much time with—you tend to marry her (or him).” Ready for it or not, steady dating will eventually lead to marriage. Such couples tend to just fall forward into this next seemingly natural step.
Clearly, one of the purposes of dating is to find the right person to marry! There is that “best one” out there (and actually, it is more accurate to say that there is a best “type” out there), and God will provide that special person when the time is right. But, once again, only by waiting for God’s selection and timing—and dating widely in the meantime—will you know that you have found the best possible person!
Millions preclude themselves from receiving this central benefit of right dating!
So many begin to go steady through high school, and some on into and through college, thinking they have found the right person. But, because of immaturity, and because they are not letting God guide them, they cannot possibly know with certainty.
First, we must ask, why do teenagers go steady? Often, due to peer pressure and changes in themselves, teenagers are extremely insecure, and they go steady to gain a sense of security. It is the easy way out of wondering or worrying who you will take—or who will ask you to go—to the next movie, school dance, party, sports event, etc. It provides a “built-in date” for all social occasions.
Directly related to security is the status symbol attached to a steady boyfriend or girlfriend—or being part of the “in crowd.”
Obviously, as we have seen, teens also go steady because of their lower level of emotional maturity. It is clearly much easier than asking for dates and much easier than conversing and interacting with someone new. Going steady enables teens to cover up shyness and bashfulness. It is also “cheaper” to go steady (unless pregnancy results!), because you stop worrying about “putting your best foot forward”—trying to impress the other person. (However, dating should never be solely about impressing the other person, anyway.)
In addition, most who go steady never stop to ask, “If I haven’t dated widely, how can I possibly know if I love this person?—if we fit together?” Yet, foolishly, so many with no experience believe they are “in love.”
