Continued from last week
THE ART OF DATING
At this point, I feel that it would be helpful to tell the story of how I met my wife, and the circumstances that led to our engagement and marriage.
In February 1971, I was four months from graduation (Ambassador College in Pasadena, California). It appeared that I was going to be reassigned into the ministry of Jesus Christ. (I had spent the previous summer between my Junior and Senior years serving in Indianapolis, Indiana.) To be most effective in this full-time calling, I knew that I needed to be married. Yet, I had just ended a relationship that I recognized had been a terrible waste of time for the several months that I had been involved. It was a shattering, devastating experience, and I wondered what I had done wrong—what I had been missing in my assessment of the relationship. The woman that I had been interested in had turned out to be very immature—and would have been a terrible match. Yet, because I had been much too “involved,” I was completely unable to see this until it was over.
I decided to immediately seek counsel with a faculty member who was also a senior minister. It did not take him long to discern that I had not truly sought God’s guidance in the selection of a mate. I had made my choice, without being certain that it was God’s choice. I went straight back to my dormitory and began a 48-hour fast (going without food and water), accompanied by much prayer and Bible study. It quickly became evident to me that the minister was correct—I had not been fully seeking God on this matter, but rather I had merely assumed I was.
I determined to get God’s counsel at every turn in any future relationship.
Within a couple of weeks, I had thought of several graduates I felt I should ask for at least one date. But this time, I was determined to take it slow, allowing time to be absolutely certain whether God was guiding me toward a particular person, whether there should be a second or third date, or more. I decided in advance that, no matter how interested I was after the first date, I would make myself wait three weeks until the second date. About a week later, I had enjoyed my first date—13 hours of sledding, including lunch and dinner—with the woman who would become my wife and the mother of our three children.
A little older than I, she had all of the maturity and more that had been missing in all previous dates and relationships I had experienced. While I had known this young woman at a superficial level for several years (she had been a senior when I was a freshmen), I had no idea that she could have been such a perfect match for me. I wondered why I had never thought of dating her. In any event, I took the early weeks of our dating very slow so that I could keep my commitment to God to be truly sure that He was putting us together—that He was the matchmaker in this enormous decision to affect both of us for the rest of our lives!
This occurred over 33 years ago, and, three children and numerous grandchildren later, I have never had any regrets. Over and over again, in ways far too numerous to recount, we have seen the hand of God in our marriage, guiding, sustaining, teaching, blessing, protecting—and never abandoning us!
Include God
You can learn the lesson I did, without the anguish. Although we have already covered the basic purposes of dating, we have not yet covered in detail the crucial need to be close to God throughout the process. He is willing, even eager, to help you and to guide your dating experience—but only if you actively and regularly seek His counsel.
All human beings need wisdom, and are designed to correctly function when using it—in every situation. Wisdom comes from God. If you seek Him, He will meet all your needs with wise—and perfect—answers (Luke 11:9-13). Also, try to make the following passage part of your daily prayer: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that gives to all men liberally, and upbraids not; and it shall be given him” (Jms. 1:5).
