Continued from last week
Today’s fast pace of life affects almost everyone. The rat-race existence that describes the day-to-day routine for most is everywhere, at times seeming to create an almost palpable nervous tension in the air. First dates and beginning dates can be nerve-racking experiences, especially one-on-one. Before the date, both man and woman are worried about whether they look attractive or will say the right things. (Then there is the man’s worry about even asking the woman for a date.) Rest assured—the date will not go perfectly! However, going with the right perspective greatly increases the chance of success.
One of the best ways to create a relaxed atmosphere is to use humor to break the ice. But be certain that it is clean—and mature. Some people consider it “funny” to continually act immature, but this turns mature people off. Avoid silliness at all costs!
As men and women get older, there is a natural tendency to look deeper into all dates as prospective mates. An attitude of “hyper-analysis” can develop, with every first date becoming an opportunity to “size up” a potential husband or wife. This can turn into trying to remake the other person. This never works (Jer. 13:23)—and the last place to ever offer suggestions of almost any kind is on the first couple of dates. Possible relationships can be ruined in an instant if this advice is ignored. The only time to do this is much later—and then only when solicited.
Focus first dates on the principles discussed in the previous chapter instead of trying to “quiz” the other person. Both parties will enjoy a date much more if they can get to know the other person. This objective is almost non-existent in dating today. Try to make this a goal in your dates, and, as explained, choice of environment must be conducive to conversation.
As also mentioned earlier, some feel it is impossible to understand the opposite sex. As you have seen, this is simply not true. Dating should be a time to get to know how the opposite sex thinks. Be sure to be open with each other without prying or probing into personal matters.
It is essential, especially to girls, to feel comfortable on a date. Always strive to make your date feel comfortable, whether in a group or one-on-one setting. Ask questions about the other person and be genuinely interested in the answers—this opens people up, and puts them at ease. Continually strive to cultivate a cheerful, thoughtful attitude. It will enable you to enjoy yourself more, and it will provide your date with a pleasant experience.
Are You a Good Date?
In life, there are optimists and pessimists, and which of these roles you choose will make an enormous difference in whether you and your partner enjoy the date. Strive to enter dates anticipating a good time. Be enthusiastic (but with sincerity)! It will leave a great impression on all those you date. Keep the big picture in mind—always remembering that there is much more to a date than sensual pleasure.
Of course, if you practice the first goal of each date—to make sure the other(s) have a good time—this will certainly classify you as a “good date.” Be considerate of others. Ask them what they would like to do, or what they would like to talk about. (Again take note, men—you must be willing to take the lead when necessary.)
A good date begins with how you prepare for it—and your dress speaks volumes about what kind of date you will be—and what kind of person you are.
People are generally slaves to fashion. In the past, this included trying to look as wholesome and clean-cut as possible. Modern trends virtually require people to spend hours before a mirror carefully creating an unkempt look. The goal—especially among men, but very much including women—appears to have become one that seeks to look terrible!—baggy pants, worn too long, too low and without belts, over-sized shirts, unpleasant colors designed to clash, wild, though carefully contrived, hairdos, often covered in grease, unshaven, tattoos, body piercings, ostentatious jewelry (and in too many places), and clunky, unflattering or untied shoes.
