Continued from last week
And Finally…
It is critical that those considering remarriage do not try to makeover a potential new spouse in the image of a previous husband or wife. That marriage is behind you—forever! The person or persons you were married to were unique human beings. So is the person that you may now be considering for courtship and marriage. It is critical you both recognize that you have come to be in love with each other, not merely in love with the idea of reliving a memory. Chasing the past is fraught with problems and is a hope that can never be. If you have not yet fully accepted that there is no way to return to or relive the past, you are not ready to date seriously, let alone remarry.
We are now ready to discuss the most serious stage of dating—courtship!
To this point, we have almost exclusively discussed dating. But what about courting? Every relationship reaches a point at which the couple will either become more interested, and want to pursue a more serious relationship, or they will decide that they are not seriously attracted to each other, and will (or should) agree to “just be friends.”
There is no specific moment when you suddenly find yourself “courting.” However, as dating becomes more involved, and as a person becomes more seriously interested in that one other person, there is a transition period when the couple goes from dating to courting. It should generally not occur like the flipping of a switch, as with engagement, but rather like the gradual turning up of a light on a rheostat.
Prior to this point, it is a mistake to believe that dating is done exclusively with one person. There is a process during which you slowly progress from dating many different people in one-on-one settings to perhaps thinking someone is particularly interesting, and choosing to date her a few more times, in order to determine that she is the person you want to more seriously pursue. This process could take many months, or even years, depending on how quickly you find someone compatible with you at all levels. (This phase could be preceded by having narrowed your dating down to two or three possible candidates for marriage.) It is at this final stage, however, that courtship begins, and you only date that one person from that point forward.
But reaching the stage of courtship should never mean that a couple has already decided to get married. They have merely reached the stage where more serious exploration of what has already become a mutual interest should occur.
There are many important things to evaluate as you begin to court. This is really the point when you begin to consider a person as a possible lifelong mate. Using wisdom and judgment is crucial before getting too emotionally involved. Following is a series of areas for couples to consider after having become more interested. In essence, courtship is the decision to take the next step—a more serious step, but not the final step!
Seeking God’s Way
Return for a moment to the starting point. The best way to pick the best person for you is to not pick at all—to leave the decision in God’s hands! His ways and understanding are infinitely better than ours (Isa. 55:8), and He is the only One who can lead you to the right person!
But you must be willing to do your part.
In a sense, God’s way of dating is a natural process—you will naturally enjoy being with certain types of people more than others. But this natural feeling of comfort and discomfort with certain types of personalities will come, only if you have made it a goal to date widely before ever considering a serious relationship. By the time you are ready to court (if you have followed God’s way), you will be successful in finding a mate.
