Continued from last week
These differences may not, of and by themselves, prevent a successful marriage, but couples should consider and discuss as many potential areas of stress or friction as possible before deciding to get married!
This is one of many reasons for God’s instruction about interracial marriage. The stress this can place on such a marriage—and the children that come from it—often causes couples from totally different cultures much unnecessary pain and unhappiness.
Emotions and Personality
The element of personality, which is closely tied to how people tend to express or suppress emotions, is an equally important factor to evaluate. Couples must “wear well” with each other—they must be able to enjoy long hours together without one or both grating on the other. A particular personality may make one person very comfortable, while driving another person “up the wall.” For example, some men enjoy women who are very talkative, and other men cannot tolerate this quality.
When it comes to personality, “one size does not fit all.” Therefore, there are a variety of questions you will want to consider regarding the personality of your prospective mate.
Below are two lists that will help you analyze whether you are properly preparing yourself to be a good spouse. Whether you are far from marriage or already considering a particular person, examine them carefully for where you are deficient. It should also be of interest to you whether a potential spouse is doing or will do the same.
A word of caution: Do not apply either of these lists in reverse. Some have done this by making a checklist of all the things the other party in the marriage should reflect. Others have even been tempted to rate men or women through use of such written lists.
There was a somewhat famous (more like infamous) example that occurred when I was going to college. One male student had rated a variety of co-eds, including a range of very specific strengths and weaknesses, on a list that he inadvertently dropped on the student lunchroom floor. Not only was he embarrassed, but certain girls were hurt once his list became known.
While you should certainly be carefully assessing any prospective spouse, be equally careful of following this inverted approach. Remember that people are not cattle being bought and sold at auction. However, having a detailed list of weaknesses, that you are using to work on yourself, is a healthy exercise.
Will I Be a Good Husband?
• Will I study her reaction physically, mentally and emotionally, and encourage her to confide her hopes and dreams to me?
• Will I always demonstrate my affection, not expecting her to always take my love for granted?
• Will I try to see things from her perspective as well as my own to avoid becoming set in my ways?
• Can I lead interesting discussions of important issues without it ending in an argument?
• If we do have a misunderstanding or a peevish outburst of irritation, will I put it behind us, settling the difficulty one way or the other—or will I sulk or pout, inviting the problem to return?
• Will I make allowances for irritability brought about through over-tiredness and a build-up of little household annoyances, pretending not to notice it?
• Will I inspire her and take an interest in her hobbies and in her more ambitious ventures that are necessary for her happiness?
• Will I take an interest in her clothes, show her my appreciation and pay her the little compliments and the attention that I did in our courting days?
• Is our mutual relationship ever-growing in understanding, sympathy, and depth?
• Will I spoil her friendships with others by unnecessary suspicion when she has proven her loyalty and devotion?
